he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
