My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
