I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
