My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
