____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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