This is not my ceiling
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
