i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
