How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
