I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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