I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
