I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
