If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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