I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
