Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
birth control should be required to get into college
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
