Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
