dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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