I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
