Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
