I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
