I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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