And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
