i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
