I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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