shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
