I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
