Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
