At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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