Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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