About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
