At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
