def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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