Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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