I could make wine with my vomit
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
