I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
