Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
