FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
