Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
