T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need to calm my uterus...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
