You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
