I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
