K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
