I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
