sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
