i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
