i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
