3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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