sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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