was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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