We're facebook friends in real life
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
