my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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