whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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