Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
