dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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