I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
